I am afraid.

I don’t know where to begin, in fact I still can’t gather my thoughts to get some clarity. All my energy is spent trying to calm myself down and may be in trying to put some sense into someone.

A couple of years ago I happened to watch this movie, which I am sure most of you may have seen, it’s called “Monster-in law”. Now, back then I found it to be hilarious, the way they have portrayed the relationship between a mother-in law and her to-be daughter-in law, until I had the last laugh when it came to reality. My bubble burst and it broke me into pieces as well.

Previously, I have mentioned about my strained relationship with my mother and how it affected my growth. Despite all those bitter experiences, she did teach me a few good things like the act of being selfless, to not pry into others’ business, to never read a letter addressed to someone else and stuff like these. I chose to keep them close to me because it is what MY mother taught me and she is a wonderful lady no matter what I feel.

I can say with pride that I have grown up to be a fine lady, I am learning to forgive and forget, to let go, to keep a check on my anger, for starters. Everything was going great until my mother-in law showed up. She was visiting us for the very first time, as earlier wherever my husband was posted she couldn’t make it at the time. I was very thrilled about her coming here as I was all alone for a few days. Little did I know that my happy days were coming to an end. I used to often wonder why women crib about their MILs and I told myself that when it’s my turn, I am going to do a good job of accepting the woman she is. I did manage to ignore the hurtful remarks, the pain she caused me, the nonsense she spoke about my mum and her family, the way she tried to cause my husband and I to bicker. In fact, it taught me to be patient in life as well as to be tolerant. I never used to utter a word as my parents taught me never to back answer. But, everything has a limited time, patience and perseverance fall into that category.

Since day 1 there has been a lot of criticism about everything that I do. My friend told me,   “You are doing such a great job at running your house, that she can’t handle that you are taking on so much, without much guidance from anyone”. It did move me, what she said and  that is why I am able to even write down my thoughts. So, the day before yesterday I couldn’t hold myself and I finally said the things that were pent up inside of me. It led to a major showdown, may be something that was due for a while now. I realized that it is important to speak your mind, to forget the relationship or age for a few minutes. She cursed me, made my better half cry, caused us pain, brought up the past, all this in her first visit here. Something you don’t expect any one to do, when they come as your guest.

 

overcoming-fear

I AM AFRAID, of losing my mind, of exposing my to-be child to such negativity. I AM AFRAID of losing my support, my husband. I AM AFRAID that I will never have a mother figure in my life. I AM AFRAID that I might be just like them. This episode came like a storm and blew my mind. What is the best way to deal with issues like these? If any of you can offer some guidance, I will be forever grateful. Looking forward.

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